Going back to the Past – 27th Part

I, Viviane, was 23 years-old and had no experience of a mother.

I only had the experience of being a daughter. And as a daughter, I know what went on with me at that age. There were many things I did not share with anyone. These things, were not things that I did in secret but internal I was “suffocations” so much so that I wasn’t able to express myself to my parents or my sister, at the time. It was something very reserved, not that I did not want to share, but it was because I didn’t know how to ask for help.

That is why I saw Luis and Vera in the same way. I looked at them knowing that within them there could be things that they did not and could not say. I tried to get close to them the as much as I could, in an explanatory way and in everything I did.

Luis was always reprimanded. And to discipline him, I used to ground him. His punishment was to look at the wall and talk with Jesus. And stay there for some time.
We had a bathroom that was black and gold. I used to put him in there, and would say, “See that black bathroom, that is how your heart is, black… Ask Jesus to clean it and don’t do it again!”.

He prayed alone, but little by little he was already in the hallway, he came out of the bathroom, because he found the wait too long and would become impatient. And then, if I’m not mistaken, after a while, I used to call him and talk to him about not doing it anymore. And I would ask him: “Did you talk to God?”

Little Vera, always did all that was possible in order not to disobey, so I didn’t have to punish her much.

Luis was mischievous. He lived speaking and joking around, and little Vera always laughed.

I descended to their level, because that is how I wanted to conquer them in a way that they would consider me not only a mother, but something beyond that, a best friend. So I used to play with them. And their father did the same thing too. On Saturdays, Julio was home and gave them all the attention. He almost did not have much time for me. And I started to feel a little jealousy inside of me. Because I waited the whole week to have Julio with me but I had to share him with Luis and Vera.

I looked at Julio, and saw all his disposition. He ran after them, he played cars with them outside and when he came home from church together with us, he would put Luis or Vera on his lap to drive, when we arrived on the street of our house.

When the whole family was together in the car going to the church, even the father “joined the dance” that I put on to cheer them up. We put on loud music in the car and we would shake our heads and sing the Veggie Tales music (Christian music from the movie they used to watch). Since there was no room to dance, we moved our heads and arms to “enjoy” the music.

And it was on these trips, these long drives that I dedicated a song to each one of them. One song for Vera and one for Luis. Luis’s song was from Veggie Tales and little Vera’s song, was from the Titanic, “My Heart will go on”.

They were very happy during the time they were with us.

Next week I’ll tell you more! Keep following…