Going back to the Past – 23th Part

Well, as time passed by, the plans to have them in my life was all that was in my head.

I thought and longed for the time when I could have them, but I had to wait for when they could come.

Finally, I was given permission to see them. I traveled hours, by plane to Portugal and I went to the house of a pastor’s wife. After a meeting, I went to the home to finally meet the little girl and the little boy that captivated my eyes.

When I got there, (Luis and Vera) were the only two children left in the cafeteria with a lady who worked at the home. So they presented them to me, Vera and Luis. The smile on Vera’s lips, accompanied by a happy laugh made me feel welcomed. However, Luis, acting like a tough boy, looked at me with frightened eyes, but happy at the same time, which also made me feel welcomed.

Then after it was suggested that I spend a day with them to see how they were. So I set to go out with them, I went to the mall with them. When we arrived at the mall, I parked and took their little hands. Little tiny hands, so innocent. A great joy was invading them and me too.

It seemed like it was their first time in a mall, because walking towards the escalator it was as if they already knew what it was but once we got closer to it they were both frightened to see something like that, so I made them go on it. I could see that everything was different and new for them, because they looked around with great curiosity.

I took them to the children’s playground area. Those parks that is all lit up inside the mall. While we were entering the play area, their eyes widened in awe of the lights and toys. There were many people there on that day. We went on some rides and after a while I decided to leave.

Why did I do that?

My God! Luis began to cry and lie on the floor throwing a tantrum, because he did not want to leave, I got scared. After all, I was nobody and they were also not acquainted with me, so I couldn’t put some orders in place. I called him very calmly, but my heart racing not knowing what to do. And he shouted loudly, “I am not leaving and etc.” People around, were frightened by the scene. It seemed that everyone around us, were in a movie that was “paused” and only me and them were the only people who continued moving around in that movie.

Then, after several attempts of trying in a kindly manner to make him understand that it was time for us to leave, I spoke determined: “Okay! You want to stay, then stay, I’m leaving! “And I walked until he came after me. And so I had to leave the mall, by the embarrassing circumstance that was going on.

I dropped them back at the Home. And I became really terrified and full of doubts: “Oh, I don’t know. He made a scandal at the mall. I was so ashamed. How can I exceed as a mother of a revolted child. ”

I confess I was scared. But one of the wives, with all the patience in the world, convinced me that they could change. And I returned home…decided to go through with the adoption process for them.