Diary : I didn’t understand…quite like that… (Part 5)

The trip to Eastern Europe taught me many things. Like that revelation of the Samaritan woman, it was so much more than I could have ever comprehended.

I resolved personal questions that I still had some difficulty solving. The more I struggled, the more I didn’t understand why I took certain attitudes that I couldn’t settle within.

But this trip held great impact in my life. Why?

In the manner that I traveled, detached from my necessities.
In the way that I reacted before the possibility that I could ask my father for an opportunity to give me the “right” to convince Julio to bring Louis with us on the trip and to detect immediately my own will.
In the means by which I gave my all in church,
In the fact that I heard the voice of God so clearly and so distinctly.
In the way that the Word of God burned within me…
In the manner by which everything was revealed to me.

All that made it that I had the results of the answers that I was waiting for from my Lord. And He, merciful, spoke to me, clearly to my ears. I couldn’t contain His voice burning inside of my soul and making a division between my understanding and my emotions.

My God! How He is Great! How He goes beyond our expectations! He is so patient, humble, and merciful to speak with me, with all my faults and a sinner.

Day by day, there is no way to explain… how great is the opportunity to be able to serve Him. It is not a burden. Burden are my emotions, that look like they have all the reason, and the fate is sadness, fear, anxiety, and doubt.

But when we listen to Him, you receive so much peace. More than what you could ever imagine. We are led to a level far beyond human capacity to understand. A level of value. That when you are being guided by you emotions, you cannot possibly achieve,. On the contrary, it makes you truly miserable.

But anyways….we arrived in Lisbon. I arrived differently. I just didn’t know. But things started to happen before we even reached Portugal, with an email that was written by an ex-pastor who confessed his sin after hiding it for years. And he was removed from the altar.

At receiving this impacting email, it came from someone that we would have never thought would do something so catastrophic. I was shocked, but as the same time indifferent.

How come “indifferent” ?
You don’t love souls?
Why did you, now, act in such a distant and cold manner toward that news?

Because, without any effort, I understood clearly: he had various opportunities to confess his sins and begin anew, but he insisted on hiding his bad character instead of abhorring what made him be removed from God’s presence.

It was very sad the situation and revolting for someone who is on the altar! Having all the conditions to live a separated and holy life and even so be unfaithful to God and to man. It’s a huge disrespect to joke around with something that is Holy.

Now what? He was married! What about his wife?
Would she pay the price for his mistake?

And here, this is where I am not part of the situation! But it was her and how she faced the opportunity that was given to her. And how she manifested her faith.

Was she conscious of his mistake?
98% no. But the other 2% , there were signs that showed lack of seriousness towards his work.

And so upon arrival in Lisbon, I immediately received an email from her, urgently wanting to speak with me. She explained that she had no idea about the mess that her husband was involved in until the moment he confessed. And I, I appeared very calm. Something that was unusual, out of the norm for me.

I am a woman who is very attentive when it come to the lambs that God had confided in me to take care. I love and give my all to help them. But why was I so calm? Had my love for souls gone cold?

Well, I had just arrived from my trip and my body was exhausted of two weeks in 6 different countries, away from home, and with jet lag of at least 1-3 hours ahead compared to Lisbon.

I didn’t know what was happening to me. But all of this was happening before my eyes. I am always self aware as a way of protecting my salvation.

At the of the day, after completing all of my responsibilities that I had after traveling, I called the wife and we talked.

She was desperate! With all that agony and deception, all she kept saying,”It was not my fault! I don’t want to return to Brazil with him! I want to stay here!”

Oh my God! How could I help her, before all that desperation? How could I help her, if all I that I have is the Word of God? I don’t have the authority to change her life or her destiny.

In front of all that agony she had, there I was, speaking with God,“My God, please help me help her. What do I say to resolve this horrible problem? Chaos! I don’t know what I can do…”

In that exact same moment, God revealed the answer with the following words: “Use what you know!” And I told myself, “well alright what I have is the living water.”

She was still talking about the mess when I said to her with precision and assurance, “I cannot help you! I know that you look at me like someone that can intercede of your behalf. But, I don’t have that authority. But one thing is for sure, you are very thirsty. Therefore, you have to drink the “living water” for that Jesus said the water that He gives, you will never thirst! Never!!!

You need to drink the “water” that He has to offer you.”

In that moment, the wife stopped crying and started paying attention to my words.

And I continued: “I don’t know what is going to happen from now on; if you’re going to return to Brazil or if you’re going to stay here in Portugal. But one thing is for sure, if you go to Jesus and implore to Him, everything is possible!
Look to God for the answer to your life! Because I don’t have anything to offer you, except the “living water” that He gave to me.”

The wife dried her tears. She hadn’t been eating for a couple of days, and that her made her very weak physically, and I told her, “Stop crying! Go to Jesus! And after you speak with Him, don’t cry anymore. Because every time you cry it’s like you are nurturing the doubt, making it grow. Go eat. Ana (mother of Samuel) after she desperately cried and expressed her pain, she made a promise with God and after she ate and drank.

Do the same, “Go eat and drink!”

I was telling her exactly what I did when I had to do Godllywood’s Retrospective 2014 in Portugal. Do you remember the pain that I was living? Remember that I was on a diet and with no feeling of hunger whatsoever? I determined that even though I wasn’t hungry, I was going to eat and look forward give my sacrifice no matter the cost. And that is what she had to do as well!

You see, my fellow cybernauts, that I told this woman what I was living during that same time.

We stopped talking and the next day arrived… the day in which her flight was scheduled to go back to Brazil with her husband. And there was no response from the husband!!!

There arrived another Pastor’s wife with her husband to inform us of what was going on and needed to be done here in Portugal while we were traveling. And that wife came close to me and said, “ Oh, Viviane… that wife with the husband that was removed from the altar, I saw her pain. I cried after I had spoken with her on the phone.”

“Oh oh! Something is wrong with me,” I said! I wasn’t feeling anything… no pity, no worry, and no fear! I told myself, “God, have I gone cold in terms of loving souls? How strange! Why am I not feeling anything?”

A normal person would be seriously worried and uncomfortable in this situation, to “help” her out a little bit for a more favorable result… But I didn’t do anything?

Júlio was very annoyed with the whole situation. Someone that he trusted was “betraying” his confidence with so little disregard to the fact that he has so many examples, messages, meetings, care, and warnings and the ex-pastor still acted in that manner in front of God and the people of the church.

I couldn’t approach the subject and intercede for the ex-pastor’s wife.

And I still questioned God, hunting for what was wrong with me…

So upon my arrival in Lisbon, many things happened simultaneously. My personal assistant was leaving, my responsibilities and compromises were “up in the air”, my daughter was about to arrive, and I had to organize my life without an assistant and with a daughter I didn’t even know.

“Oh my God!!!!!” – Imagine, with everything that was happening, how would I be? Super agitated, trying to reconcile everything all at once. But that’s not what happened.

While I was writing down all my responsibilities in the church and the blog with all its different languages and translations, etc, an idea came to my mind about the wife that didn’t want to leave with her husband… She could replace my personal assistant that was leaving!! But how would I approach the subject? How could I make my husband understand, if he didn’t even want to hear anything regarding that situation!!!

Then all of the sudden, here comes my husband, all happy, and he gives me a hug and a kiss out of nowhere…and I saw God’s answer telling me, “Now is the time that you can present all the projects and the possibilities that you have in mind, those regarding the assistant as well as those where your daughter can help as well…”

“It is now! I am going to speak to Júlio!”– And I thought decidedly and without fear, “ Miu, look at what I have here. Look, Vera can help with this and the wife that had her husband removed from the altar can help with the other responsibilities because she is already familiar with the work!”
Immediately he said, “Great! That is going to work!”

My God! I didn’t do anything to help the wife, but He heard the wife’s cry!

At the end of the day, I called the ex-pastor’s wife and asked, “So, did you drink the living water?” and she replied, “Yes! I am sure! I have peace Ms. Vivi.”

And I told her, “God heard your cry, and you are coming to work with me!’

How interesting!

And I thought that I had to feel pity, but the Holy Spirit revealed all that to me, that He wanted me to give life and not to be in emotion with her.

And what is also interesting is that (now) the ex-wife, she was looking for that! Notice all the responsibilities that are upon our shoulders when we live in faith. We cannot fail, not even for an instant! And that is why we have to live in faith. That Word, that was very strong and that I am able to write about here in this diary was the life that she needed. It was sustenance… it was the manna!

That ex-wife, she is working with me now. And we have an experience with faith that will mark us all our life, her and myself as well.

She was blessed, and I as well, not in terms of the the answer to her work troubles or to stay here in Portugal, but in finding the “water that will never bring thirst”. The water in which Jesus has for all those who look, and are sincere and assume their faith.

Do you still have more questions regarding the “water of life”? Accompany the next part of the diary…