From Mother to Mother : A secret that only God knew
My child has to live his dreams and not mine…
I did not think about having children, but after five years of marriage, I thought, “Why would we have a child?”
It was not to fill a void or to liven up my house—it was among the many thoughts that crossed my mind; however, when I thought of the possibility of generating a servant for God, then I found a real reason for it!
So we decided to have a child and I got pregnant.
In my mind, there was a life plan ready for my son: how he would behave; how he would speak; he would be an active young man in the church and early on he would become a pastor; perfect!!
And then after 9 months, I had my baby who began to grow totally different from what I had planned. He was autistic, now what?!?! What to do in front of such frustration? …
… After all, he wasn’t anything of what I had dreamed…
And from early on, I put on him a heavy “burden” to be a perfect boy!! I pictured my son before he was born and in every attitude that did not correspond to that dream, it felt like a stab in me. With this situation, I became increasingly frustrated and losing the brightness of being a mother. My gaze “glared” the boy…who didn’t even know why.
Can you imagine a person always looking at you and see you with reproach, simply because you are not what she wanted?
My frustration became bitterness and I found myself dry, without affection for him, which made me feel really bad for being like that. How could I love people and not have the same affection with my son? Something was wrong with me and I threw myself into God’s arms. So I spoke to Him, and today to all of you, everything that was killing me inside, it was as if it was a seed that did not sprout, that is, it was spoiled, it was becoming rotten and I needed to pull it out.
At the same time that I spoke everything to God and said to Him that I did accept this feeling anymore—HE cleansed me. It was a relief and from that moment on everything changed. Over time, I learned that each person is unique, with their errors, defects, qualities and skills; we cannot change that nor choose what features they will have. But we can help shape some not so good behaviors so that they be improved and become good ones. This work of “stoning” is up to us mothers, and when we depend on God and on His direction, we become special artisans.
I wanted so much to change my son’s taste that I did not even buy a ball for him to play with, because I did not want him to become a player but a pastor. You know what he would do? He would get the potatoes or oranges from the fruit bowl and play with them. I would buy cars and he would take the wheels out and kick them, lol … Tastes, skills and dreams are born with each person. Therefore, we have to let our children live their dreams and not pressure them to yearn ours. We must only encourage the ones that they already have, as these will flow naturally and introduce the ones they do not have so they can flourish.
This way, they will never be induced or even forced to be something that they do not want to be just to please us, because that does not work. If they do so, in the future they are the ones that will be frustrated and one day they will be get tired and leave everything! -Because it was not what they wanted for themselves.
Placing them in the Hands of God, the Holy Spirit will convince them of His Will for them and then, dear mothers, everything will be different, the way it should be and everything will be all right!