Experience : The day I didn’t get into Godllywood
Do not think that because you are now building a relationship with God, and you are seeking to adjust your life within His Word, that everything will now become a bed of roses…that would be good, lol.
Prepare yourself because the challenges will come, in reality they actually already existed in your life, the difference is that when we are separated from God, we see burdens and difficulties, but once we are connected to Him, everything becomes an OPPORTUNITY.
Well, everything I told you in the previous posts happened in Spain, when I arrived and I came across a reality: My husband was a leader, and I was a shadow … (I advise you to follow these posts every week so that you understand the story, because my life is similar to the majority of the women in the church, sometimes it even seems like a novel)
Well, let’s go there… What happened next after my first discoveries?
Let’s go back a little in time in order for me to tell you another detail about what happened…
In late 2009, I heard about the start-up of Godllywood (http://www.godllywood.com/en/) and I was thrilled with the work, the idea of helping girls and women of the church filled-me-up with the desire to be part of this work.
The following month I was transferred to Spain, and there the group didn’t exist yet, so then I would have to wait for the day when it got there.
I kept on following everything that was going on through the Internet, and praying that soon we would have the opportunity. Parallel to this, I was going through all those discoveries that I have told you about.
The months passed by, and finally the long awaited day arrived, the leader’s wife came to visit us, and with her came great news: Godllywood will start in Spain!!!
My heart felt like it was going to come out of my mouth with so much joy, but from one second to the next it was as if the sky darkened. She said that the group would begin yes, but another wife would be responsible for it, ok, so far so good. I took courage and asked: “- Good, but am I going to be able to help?”
“-No! This work is very serious, and I do not know you enough, so you can’t even help.” This was the response I received—straight to the point.
I had already worked with her in Portugal, and since at that time I lived limited by shyness, insecurity, and etc., I never made myself known to her.
I felt my face burning and from that moment on it was as if I no longer heard anything else. I dropped her off at the airport and left. That day I didn’t even want to go back to church, I needed to go home and be alone, I had a very serious matter to settle with God.
Whenever I have any very difficult issue, I need to be alone with Him, hear Him, know what His will is, and what He wants to teach me with what I’m going through.
Why my God?! I wanted so much to help the people, I’ve been working with the young ladies, dreaming to be part of this group and be used more by the Lord, and now this?! The Lord tells me NO!!!
I never saw that NO as something personal, or coming from my leader, I knew that God was in control of everything, but I didn’t understand why.
Isn’t that how you see yourself often, dear reader? Your intentions are apparently the best possible. You’re working hard, even sacrificing, and suddenly it seems that it was all in vain, that no one is seeing how much you’ve been fighting for that?
I wasn’t able to understand; then my husband was there as the leader, every time I saw God count on him more and more, but what about me? Why couldn’t I be useful?
On top of that, if so much was going on inside of me, why now that NO?!
I didn’t understand why all that was happening.
After some time during that long night, I was able to contain the tears and the deep pain that I was feeling, because until then, only I had talked and questioned and there were no answers. So when I separated myself from the emotions, God began to speak to me, and answered me that question.
It was one of the toughest answers I have had so far, I could never imagine hearing such things.
On the next post, I’ll continue…
A hug and see you soon!