32 years in 180 minutes (Part II)
So there I was, tired of suffering…when I heard that there was hope, and that God believed in me. I grabbed at it with all my strength! It was not easy, but I overcame.
If before, at home, things were difficult, it got even worse. My mother ended up leaving the church but I stayed … on my own!
She did everything to get me to quit: humiliated me, neglected me, to the point of not buying the basics for me, like clothes. At times, when I got home, from church, she would be waiting for me to, once again, offend and criticize me … But I did not quit because I knew what I wanted!
I gave myself to God with all my strength and He gave me the courage to go on. I focused on developing my spiritual life. I set goals for myself, something I had never done before because, since I had been so rejected throughout my life, and because I hadn’t be able to study as much as I should’ve, I thought I wasn’t able to become “someone”.
I conquered my spiritual deliverance, was born of God and baptized with the Holy Spirit…but the persecution didn’t stop!
When the desire to win “souls” was born in me, it made her very angry, to the point of trying to attack me (which, thankfully, God never allowed to happen).
Time passed and I kept developing in my faith, my communion with God, more and more.
On the other hand, my mother seemed to get worse. My father didn’t talk to me. He was indifferent about everything, as if I didn’t exist.
Things at home were a living hell, but I didn’t give up, because now I had a “companion” in this battle – God. He gave me strength and courage to go on each day.
The desire to do the work of God on the altar grew inside me … Something that seemed impossible, because when I would evangelize, that thought that I had no testimony would constantly come to mind…the issue of who would take care of my family if I moved out. I felt “protective” of them, since I was the only one who was of God (which is another story I believe I will have the opportunity to tell you). But I fought against them and overcame those thoughts!
Having already been raised as an assistant and having established a strong spiritual life, next came my love life.
NOTE: I wasn’t worried about it! I trusted God and I knew, in time, He would bless me.
That’s exactly what happened! I met my husband and we got married. Leading up to the time of the wedding, other battles arose as it should’ve been a pleasure to share something like this with my parents, like any other normal girl…but…yet again, I was humiliated by them!
Everything had already been prepared, without any support from my mother, who, by the way, never even saw my wedding dress nor helped me try it on. It was horrible…but I didn’t let it get to me, because I had my faithful friend – my God – who was with me the whole way through.
The day came! I left my parent’s home, not to get away from them, but because God had honored me!
Sadly, in the time I spent with my mother, I couldn’t say what I wanted to say to her, nor hear from her what I wanted to hear.
Many years passed. We would sometimes talk. She respected me, but nothing more. I didn’t quite enjoy talking to her. It didn’t seem to make a difference whether we talked or not: The subjects were always the same ones. Problems and more problems. Then, we wouldn’t talk for a long time.
Finally, one day after four months, I decided to give her a call. To my surprise, in 180 minutes, I heard what I had not heard from her in 32 years.
My mother was no longer the same. There was something different in her voice. We started to remember past times. I mentioned certain situations she could not remember, and issues with which, formerly, she’d get irritated and would stop listening to me. I was finally able to tell her, for the first time, my testimony. She acknowledged her mistakes. Of course, I didn’t condemn her. They were part of our past.
It was very intense. I found out that she saw me as an example. For the first time in my life, I finally had the pleasure of TALKING with my mother. I felt like hugging her, kissing her!
She mentioned that she looked back on our relationship and saw how much time we had lost. How she had left me alone when I needed her love and affection the most. I never imagined I would hear something like that from her!
God is so awesome!
Now, I wonder…what if I had given up? Where would I be?
But I didn’t look back. I didn’t give up. I didn’t act upon my feelings, nor did I leave the fight. I persevered and God didn’t forsake me. He cared and still cares for me. He honored me and continues to do so!
Today, I am able to enjoy this and share it with you!
What about you? Have you or will you be able to do the same? Or have you already given up?