Returning to the Past – 44th Part

When we enter the wilderness, we cannot cross it from one hour to the next.

It takes time to cross the wilderness and that was how I lived.
A wife without two children, I had to deal with it day by day. It was not easy. Every day was a challenge.
The people who knew me were expecting to see me with the children. Time passed and people were questioning me more often: “How are the kids?” And I would say, “They’re alright…”
I did not go into detail because it was not convenient and they would not understand.

One Saturday night, we were in bed when Julio received a call from an auxiliary Pastor talking about various things that were happening in the church. A group of unruly Pastors were plotting a true confusion. In front of us they seemed “nice” but behind our backs they were preparing to open their own church.

The loss of the children, now this confusion inside the church, with those who say they are of God.
How much pain! My God! How could I endure so much “pressure”?
Measurements were taken and soon after, we left the leadership of the region and were placed in a church of that same region.

I remember those days like if it were today. Those days were so bitter that there was no way I could forget what I experienced.
I used to go some Sundays with my children to this church to attend the meeting that Julio did. I remember one day Julio during the meeting called the people in front of the altar for some reason, I cannot remember what the reason was, but I went to the front.
There, at that moment, in the midst of so much pain, so much loss, I cried out to God in the midst of tears … And there, He told me what I was living.

He said:
“You know these three years you have lived with your children? They were the three days in the wilderness.
Until the day came for the sacrifice in which I (God) am asking you for your Isaac.
Remember when Julio said he would give his Isaac by getting a vasectomy?
Well, at that time he had no child to offer, but now you do!

My God! Offer my Isaac? Who am I for the Lord to ask me for my Isaac? ”
A joy invaded my being, at that moment this voice spoke inside of me.
“This means that God is asking me for my Isaac? And I have an Isaac to offer?” “Wow, what a privilege!”

On that day, I received an inner power. Even though things on the outside were “lost,” but inside me, I knew that God was the one who asked this of me. I was not going through this by chance. It was He who wanted me to develop something that in my eyes I had no idea what it was, but later I would find out. And to find this out I had to understand the need to endure all of this, and therefore surrender myself whole-heartily.