Diary : I didn’t understand quite like that… (Part 7)

Vera was arriving on February 11. The whole family was in anticipation: my parents, us, and her brother.

It was a party. My daughter, the eldest, was coming.
I went all dressed up, very youthful and modern, just for her to have the pleasure of knowing she had a young and energetic mother.

Luis got all dressed up and even put on a suit for her arrival. And there we go, the whole, happy family all going and waiting for Vera at the airport. Upon arriving at the airport, Júlio couldn’t find parking so he stayed waiting in the car, waiting for a parking space to be available. Luis and I go inside the airport and wait for her plane to arrive. While we were waiting, I was filming, all excited for my beautiful princess to arrive.

Suddenly… she comes to meet us. And… she gives each one of us a hug and we proceed to the car. As we are walking to the car, it was settled that Júlio and Luis continue to the church while Vera and I go home because of the 8 hour difference of the time zone.

And in the car, total silence. I didn’t know what to say. She was embarrassed. We went home and unpacked her bags, etc…

As the days went by, we were complete strangers. She did not live in the same faith as us, and I had to learn how to be a mother to someone who lived more far away than close. And to add to that, my personal assistant was leaving. Everything was new and unfamiliar to me at that point in my life.

Vera went to church, prayed, and sought out God and even I noticed that she expressed herself to God, but her behavior after she prayed stayed the same. There were some changes in her attitudes but it was not all that evident.

Vera was very distant. She was friendly, outgoing, always smiling, but there was always distance between us. Neither her nor I were close. I didn’t know but after I got back from Eastern Europe, my kisses began to decline… I wasn’t as affectionate and giving kisses to her as much as I wanted to…

At first, I saw rejection in everything that I spoke to her about. Her manner of listening was not always so accepting of what she was hearing. But I noticed something different about me. I was dealing with rejection inside my home, and it was from my own daughter. And I was alone. But it was like I was dressed with the helmet of salvation, nothing affected me.

I was always trying to be affectionate with her, to get close to her, but she did not always accept my hugs, kisses, my understanding, etc… And it stayed like that for awhile.

Amazing as this sounds, for her father, it was different. She accepted everything from him, but not from me.

As much as she was distant towards me and as much as she constructed a barrier between her and I, I never stopped believing in her. I understood her perfectly. Her bitter past and the fact that she was never really loved made her be very protective of herself. There was fear and mistrust from something that was pure and sincere in our home.

And as much as things were not the way I would have liked, I never focused on that. I learned so many lessons in the beginning of the year with the Water of life that everything was only problems on the outside.

I didn’t know how to start working on her. I wanted to do so many things with her, but everything was so new. My time was different; everything was different than how I lived before this. I participated God in everything that I was living. I spoke to God to teach me to be the person I needed to be for her. I never said anything to Júlio as to not bring him any concerns and thus provide him with peace, and security; that everything was on track.

Something things were told to him, here and there, because he would ask me about it. But in reality, I saw no need because all the problems Vera was experiencing were exteriorly and didn’t affect my interior.

I could even feel it at that moment, but I didn’t let it influence or overpower me.

Júlio also had a hard time in relating with Vera as a daughter. She didn’t have the Holy Spirit and so he didn’t feel all that comfortable.

So, everything was on my shoulders. Iwas the mother. It was I that had to be wise and build the home. And here I was, different and transformed that I myself didn’t know how I was at that point. The fact that I was rejected by her didn’t make me understand less. I respected what she wanted from me.

The fact that she didn’t like the way I did things and didn’t identify herself with me, did not make me inhibit who I was. I just waited patiently for the moment I would be accepted.

I kissed her, but I knew that I wasn’t so “welcome”. For her, it seemed very fake on my part, but for me, it was like I was breaking something that wasn’t part of me. In other words, I didn’t negate who I was, continued to be me. What does that mean? It means that I was conscience of my value. I realized my self-worth. I didn’t have insecurities and I didn’t need any approval to continue. I did it because I believed and wanted to be who I was with my family.

Everything that was going on was all a little bit strange, but I focused on my goals. Besides knowing the necessity to give attention, I am a person rather full with responsibilities and I cannot stop serving in the Work of God. I deal with pastors’ wives, assistants working in the different departments, etc… and in addition to all of this, I needed to have time for meetings and also to spend time with my daughter. And I’ll tell you, it’s not easy. But Vera always understood and was comprehensive of my responsibilities. She respected me in all of this.

But I also saw that she need very much my company. She needed to speak. She needed a friend and I had to show her she could confide in me. In other words, I had to work and exercise my faith constantly. I had to conquer my space in being her mother, and she had to do the same.

Luis had to reconcile with the new phase of sharing us parents with his sister. Before, he had parents all to himself.

Everything had to fit perfectly. And this would only work through faith and having that constant relationship with God.

And everything has flowed perfectly.

Vera was baptized in water again. And after that, she struggled with a battle that looked without end, and a week after, she was baptized with the Holy Spirit.

“But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.” (John 4: 14)

Do you see now how the water is not just for a moment, but for life! And life that produces salvation.