Diary: I didn’t understand…quite like that (Part 6)

Viviane Freitas

  • 29
  • Apr
  • 2015

Diary : I didn’t understand…quite like that (Part 6)

  • 29
  • Apr
  • 2015

Imagine being away from home for two weeks… How many things would you have pending to be resolved? A lot!

Even the simplest things, like the responsibilities that depend only on you. That is how I was when I arrived from Eastern Europe.

But to continue this subject, I have to say what happened before the trip to Eastern Europe. And here it goes:

In the days after my birthday (January 18, 2015), I received a message from Vera. Actually it was not a message, it was a letter. And on this letter, she commented on the decisions she made in life in relation to her faith: how she was currently, since the days she started attending church. She saw how God had blessed her with a job in the church and how sincere prayer was effective. She still remembered my words saying, “Vera, daughter, pray and tell God all that is wrong! Count on Him as if He was your best friend.” I told her all of this since the first meeting she attended at the church, in the Feast of Tabernacles.

Anyways, she was very happy with the results that her faith was providing. But the biggest reason for this letter was about a question that she had and that would depend on our support.

She was willing to obey, but she had a question and it wasn’t very clear to her. God showed her how much He had blessed her but he also showed her that she had to value the family that He had given her.

And now what? What of the work that He had blessed her with? How to reconcile the fact of being with family and work? Was she scorning one and valuing the other?

There was a kind of “confusion.” She wanted to serve God, but what should she do? That was the question she brought to my attention…

Oh! Imagine me reading the letter! I wanted to tell the “whole world” about the letter I received! But I aware and quite. I knew that God would do the work, and I had no doubt of that.

But I was quiet… All that God had given me in 2014, through faith in Him, made me be balanced. The experiences of living in faith, every year and every month, were not a passing thing, but something that brought me, in a way, stability and endurance in my way of being. Soon after, I sent an email talking about the letter to my parents, the news.

Now all I had to do was have the approval of my father and Júlio. I wanted to say yes! That she was welcome to her home, etc. … But I waited to have the “Yes” of God by those who I also depended on for a response. From my father, I depended on his approval for her to live with us, while in the Work of God.

My mother was the first to respond: “Daughter, Viviane, tell her welcome home! We are with open arms in receiving her!” My father took more time to answer because he was busy. But his response was no different. He said, “For me, it is ok!”

And Júlio didn’t even need to respond, the answer was obvious! “Yes!”

My God, when I received this “Yes”, I confess that I cried a lot. Because during the time I lost my children, and because I was not granted custody, there was only one answer: “No!” And why not? “No,” because with everyone else that adopted, everything went accordingly, and with me it was in the most painful way possible. When I saw the mothers taking care of their children, I thought, “They may have this pleasure and I cannot; I was not given this pleasure. I have to live with the pain and never have the right to have them… adding to fact that it was unfair. Unfair why? Because I’m on the Altar to give life and not to live my personal dreams.” And the condition that I lived with at that time, was with the pain that does not pass; the longing that does not leave. “I have to give God my dream and my desire, without any guarantee that this pain will go away so that I will be able to serve… to serve my Lord.”

But on that day, I received the YES from God, I cried with joy! I received from Him the right to have them in my life. So many tears, so much pain, so many requests at the altar, so many personal sacrifices for the day that I would hear from everyone, a “Yes”!

That yes had a huge significance for me. The initiative was all Vera; it was she who heard God’s direction to recognize the value of her family. I already had the assurance and the certainty that God would do the work. I was so sure that I was calm, so calm that I was not anxious for her arrival. But when it became a reality, my soul became weak. I couldn’t hold back the tears, and I couldn’t even fathom the motive to why I was crying.

Vera finally recognized this, having heard it from God clearly. At the time, she wasn’t even liberated yet. And look at God’s work, working in my favor. He served me.

“If anyone serves Me, let him follow Me; and where I am, there my servant will be also. If anyone serves Me, him My Father will honor.” (John 12:26)

I wrote to Vera, responding to her letter: “Be welcome, daughter!” She was thrilled, and wept with joy. Something amazing was happening inside of her, without her even knowing it. A peace and joy so great flooded her being, that even she expressed it.

One day later, she says there is a catch. . .a puppy that she had just bought. And that can’t travel yet. And after some prodding, she managed to convince her father to approve of bringing the puppy. And now all we had to do was wait for all the “paperwork” and documents the puppy needed to travel.

Well, so far so good. We traveled to Eastern Europe aware that Verinha was coming to live with us. But in returning from Eastern Europe, in my first meeting with a department, on a Monday, I receive a message from my mom saying: “Daughter, I spoke with Vera and she doesn’t want to live with you guys anymore in Portugal. She says she is doing very well, in faith, and that she really likes the people she works with. She loves to be close to her Uncle Romualdo.”

Ok! I receive all this in a middle of a meeting, and my heart freezes and starts pounding very quickly. What a disappointment! Immediately I felt rejected, like, “There is someone better and that I can identify myself with more so I want to stay!”. That’s how I felt… like we were being traded for another family.

In the middle of that meeting with the department, while I was talking and reading that shocking message, my emotions wanted to explode. I remembered my goal exactly on that moment: “I am not going to serve myself! I will not stop to focus on my need!.” I recovered and returned to the subject of that meeting, without anyone noticing. After, I get a message from Vera also saying she wanted to talk to me. I responded saying that we could only speak at 8 pm.

That was on a Monday, on February 9th. I resolved everything that had to do with that department. Everything flowed beautifully. After, I spoke with another department. And as evening approached, I went to cut my hair. Meanwhile, Vera was already sending messages before the appointed time.

I could understand that she was anxious. And I was hurt and disappointed. And yet, I had to be understanding with her, because it would not be fair if I let my feelings take hold of me.

It was at that precise moment that I felt the need for a word to guide me on what to say to her. I looked around and there was no one, no Júlio, not even a friend. What was I going to say?

I went to the bathroom that day, already late, and I said to God, “Look God, I don’t have much time to say a prayer where I can cry and express everything I feel, but I have an appointment with her right now. I only ask the Lord to help me with what I am going to say to her, because I am very upset. And if I speak in the way that I am feeling right now, I am not going to say what I need to say in the way that it needs to be said. So I ask that you speak for me. In Jesus’ Name.” I finished my prayer, and then I called Vera.

I called her, and believe me, it was already hard to keep in touch with her and now when I called her, she could barely hear me. I was already tense… I went to another room and she could hear me better. As soon as we began to greet each other, Júlio appears. “Oh, thank God!…” I said, “Now he will speak and add some strength here!” As soon as he walks in, I begin to tell Júlio about the situation. And then Júlio begins to speak with her. Very calmly and peacefully, without any persistence, he says,“Look Vera, if you do not want stay in Portugal, then you can go back, etc…”

Oh oh! When I heard that, even though I understood why he wasn’t forcing anything, my faith did not agree! My face was already red and blotchy… I was still tense. I just listened to Júlio speak while Vera, with tears in her eyes, is feeling comprehended by her father.

Seeing that scene, I respected Júlio’s words. I was literally alone with my faith pounding in my chest. It was my fight alone. I waited until I had the opportunity to also speak everything I had inside of me.

I don’t remember the exact words, but he said, “The Holy Spirit will guide you”, I just know that immediately I responded, “the Holy Spirit is already showing you, Vera!” I continued talking about my faith and Júlio would only say: “Yes.”

In other words, I did not negate my faith! No! Not even in front of Júlio or before my daughter who barely knew me. I knew that in that instant it looked like I wasn’t being understanding, but I didn’t really want to hear or care about what she was “feeling”, I am going to give voice to my faith!!!

At the same time, the way Júlio behaved and spoke gave me so much peace, so much assurance, that it made me ask God to help me not to be so tense.

Júlio finished speaking with her and we were left alone. Just the two of us.
And this was our moment!

Vera was very cautious about her decision, because she knew that it involved her as well as us, Júlio and I, who are part of her life.

So I started to speak… to speak without any tension; the Holy Spirit was guiding me to the point where I could understand why she was behaving that way. Very interesting! Our conversation was very beneficial, both for me and for her. There was peace between us, and no “forcing the issue” on my side. That was not what I wanted.

And so it was. We parted in peace and she asked for two weeks, to “pack up” everything, before she could come live with us. After, I went to sleep with peace of mind.

In the middle of the night Vera sends me a message saying, “Mom, is there any way I can leave here tomorrow? I want to arrive there tomorrow.”

So, she arrived on February 11, 2015.

And now you will see the consequences of the Water of life in the next posts…

Leave a message

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


1 comentário

  1. Dear Mrs V

    So interesting in reading the article . As I was reading was also learning that whenever I face pro Lem’s or challenges I should not let my feelings take over I should pray and ask the Holy Spirit to guid me. I will be waiting as well for the next post.


    See more