Diary : I didn’t understand…quite like that…(Part 4)

I really understood and connected with that Samaritan woman. My God, how my reactions were exactly like hers!

When Jesus asked her for water, she immediately responded, “How is that you, being a Jew, ask a drink from me, A Samaritan woman?” (John 4: 9)

That woman’s response was almost the same as mine when I spoke to God through my prayers: “Why are you asking ME? Ask some other mother who lived her whole life with her son, not me, who is only a few months with him!!!”

Do you remember the 1st part of the diary? “Diary: I didn’t understand it…like that… (part 1)”

The pain was so strong at seeing my selfishness that I almost didn’t believe that I reacted in that manner with someone that always understood me and gave me life. How could I have had fear to give? How could I have felt like that? How could I have acted this way in front of the One that redeemed me of all of my sins???

When my eyes returned to the root of the problem, my selfishness, I “unfocused” my eyes from my flesh and I felt pain for a couple of days. Not from accusations or sentiment or guilt, but from repentance.

And when I read this part, it caught my attention:

“Jesus answered and said to her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that says to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water.” (John 4: 10)

When Jesus said, “If you knew the gift of God,” I understood immediately, that if I knew, then I would not hesitate to give. I wouldn’t react with resistance, but I would give everything that He would ask of me.

Do you know that feeling that when you realize something: you don’t mistrust or fear. Isn’t that right? Quite the opposite, you are at peace.

So why was I fearful and mistrusting? I was unaware of God’s gift.

I knew I had reason to feel the pain of loss, because of what happened before, it marked my life, but there was no reason to justify faith, faith in God, that is the certainty of the things that were coming and the conviction of the facts that I couldn’t see.

Faith does not enslaves us; on the contrary; it leads to liberation, gives life.

Continuing the words of Jesus, “and who it is that says to you, ‘Give me a drink’…” If I was prioritizing Jesus then I would have never reacted this way.

How my eyes were opened! My God, it’s like my eyes were actually blindfolded. The selfishness, the thing that wanted to hold on and to not let go, was not permitting me to live in faith, nor have peace. Look at all the pain that I suffered resisting to give!!! It was not necessary for me to go through all these things, but all of that recuperated my faith. I learned a lesson.

I understood that there are certain times in our life, that the sense to guard with “tooth and nail” what we need to sacrifice, enslaves us. The more you hold on, the more you trust your will and not in God.

We are not tempted by little things that don’t catch our attention, no in fact, we are tempted with things that are necessary to our personal needs.

And it is for that reason that we have to always be alert to ourselves. We have to maintain our salvation day after day, because we are continually tempted by our own wishes and desires.

When we we thirst for the word of God, we find the response, not for the purpose of resolving the problem, but to serve Him, and that is when God brings the living water.

I was thirsty. I am going to be sincere, as much as I knew about intelligent faith, it was very hard to visualize the motive to give. That is why I was certain that even though I was giving my all, I was going to pay the price. God deserves it.

“…you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water.”

If I ask him, not only will God give you life, but He will also give you living water to give to others.

I asked God for the Water that He had to offer me, and He truly gave it to me.

Accompany the results on the next post.