Diary : I didn’t understand it…like that… (part 2)

Retrospective 2014 was the best of all ages, because I was not only teaching people how to live the faith, but I was living the entire sacrifice.

And to be honest, I never heard so many comments without even having to ask… So many people seeking results which were found there that day. They saw and realized that, until that point, what they did not understand before. I know this is the work exclusively of the Holy Spirit.

However, I am not here to speak in hindsight, because it was already made clear, some aspects, strokes of the videos posted here on the blog; I am speaking of the past for you to understand what I’m living this year 2015.

Here in this article, I refer to all the letters and the details that the video does not express. Certainly this would make a movie, a book, and a novel with so many things that happened in my life.

Even without giving thought to the situation, I felt the pain. I could not talk about the situation to God, because i would immediately burst into tears.

There was this one time where I was next to a wife and I was ashamed because during the meeting, I was crying in a different manner compared to all the the other times; it was a profound cry, because it expressed all my sorrows and woes.

And then, after the meeting she asked me, “What’s wrong? I do not like to see you like this!”

Oh my God! -She touched my wound! My tears began to emerge again when I was interrupted by a girl; and there I stopped crying. Thank God for the girl! She saved my skin and nourished what was hurting in me so much.

Nobody knew that Luis was traveling, I had to be discreet; to learn in silence to contain myself.

The days passed, I wanted to be every second beside Luis, even if it was only to assist this new Iburd. I was willing, but I knew it was “me”, mom, and I had to get rid of that need to be next to him and put all my attention on that for which God has called me.

Actually, my attention was really directed at everything that was happening. At the same time I wanted to expose the wonders of God; I was also chasing what He wanted me to do.

And there was God, mute!

-How Come? Silent?! Why?-

Of course… because I was focused on my “pain” and living “my world” and not serving. How could He talk to me if I was occupied with thoughts of enjoying the last moments with my son?

Oops! I forgot to tell you that the day of the Meeting of the Retrospective 2014 also was the same day in Los Angeles, and who was sending me messages thorough skype 15 minutes before the meeting? Vera … (my daughter)

The child that was always absent, and rarely came into contact with me, now, was wondering what dress she should use.

And I, not knowing what to do, had no reaction, and did not want to focus on my world; I did not answer. Luis immediately chose for me.

Well, this was the situation. When we are wrapped in our thoughts, in our world, rather than serving God, He does not speak; He remains silent. He only deals with things regarding to intelligent faith…Isn’t it so amazing?

Well then! After my parents left, Julio mentioned we were going to the country sooner, so that he could get habituated as soon as possible; he would go in the month of January.

Oh oh! Wait a minute! He, Julio, messed with a lioness! Oops …
When I heard that, I spoke seriously to him: “Why? Please, do not do that! Let him stay at least a little more! Do you know when I will see him again? And then he explained the situation, and certainly … he is absolutely right. I have to hear and accept; the lioness has to become a kitten: to recognize and to accept.

Well, then the secretary said, “Bishop, do you want to travel that day?”

– “Oh my God! OK? But Luis has to come with us! If he doesn’t go then I don’t go. (I said that, to see if I win him over … but the truth is … I was just talking with the secretary and Julio and he wasn’t even in the room; I knew I had no right to choose.) But it was a my small attempt.

No avail! Nor did it matter, because deep down I wanted to serve and not be focused on my needs. I had learned the lesson above.

I really let God lead me – “You can drive anywhere, Lord! I will not say what I want. I want to go there; I have to know the people and wives who are in those countries to help them.”

And I said: – “God speak to me on this trip. Say something, anything… ” –

And nothing …

The 21 days of fasting were approaching, and now what? With all the trips and unexpected situations that arose, how I will help and work with the cybernauts? …

Always with prior notice of any Fasting, I want to be involved in giving to the people of the church, because I know it’s a chance to win souls there, however, with the trip, I thought: “I don’t know how! I don’t even know what’s going on in my life; what unexpected things are going to happen next?”

But still, I was hoping …

I traveled to Spain, then to France, but only when I came to Moldova something happened …

We will know in the next post because it’s something too strong to continue now… Wait!

Hugs!