Fear in disguise
Earlier this month I was thinking a lot about fear, and analyzing it.
I decided I wanted to examine myself, because I knew my first monstrous and visible fears had already been defeated. I always ask myself questions, challenge myself, and I came to the conclusion that if it is God who sends me, I will go. Be it in a corner, China, or even to drive a rocket. That’s my faith. I believe that if God is sending me, be it with whomever and to do whatever, I will not resist for anything, nothing would be impossible for me.
I remembered the first actions and steps I took when I found that path of bold faith. The first thing I did was recognize that all the shame, shyness and “my way” of protecting myself was only a thick layer of pride. I had to face it and fight it by doing the opposite of everything that I wanted to do, and what I used to do so well to hide how incomplete I was.
This only changed a few years ago when I realized that there was nothing more to lose and I was no longer afraid to be different, in anyway.
In a Godllywood meeting this month I was able to speak about this with the girls from the group – the determination to make a difference, and the price we pay for it, which is what makes us daughters of Sarah, daughters of the promise.
The “IF” at the end of the verse we have been reading since the beginning of the year shows that if I do not overcome ALL my fears then everything else I’ve learned over these last few months is worthless (1 Peter 3: 6). It’s not an option, but a condition.
You know what I found out with them? That as soon as I give way to fear, it will take the place of everything else that God wants to do in my life, and what I can be for the Kingdom of God.
So it was only last week that I found the hidden fear in my life.
It was there and very well disguised, posing as a good thing, it was the fear of being inconvenient, or “getting into what was none of my business”, I was walking hand in hand with politeness.
It ended up limiting me: limiting the number of words I spoke, limiting me from demonstrating my affection and even from giving my opinion when I wasn’t being asked. It was something I was doing to myself almost like my own emergency break.
Of course I know that we all have our “limits” in education, respect, coexistence and discretion, and like in other obstacles I had overcome already, this was already becoming overly exaggerating 🙁
And when something is unbalanced, it is no good.