Returning to the Past – 61th Part

The big moving day was coming, where we would finally going to move to England.

I hardly had any clothes, which I thought was great! There was not much for me to take. But upon getting there, I felt ashamed that I did not have much to wear compared to others. It was not that I did not have anything to wear, but I only had a few pieces, and those pieces did not suit me well enough to feel good and be fit for a pastor’s wife.

But soon that just became small compared to the other things I had to face.

We were sent to England to take over the work there and who was there before me? My sister and her husband, of course! They stayed with us for another month and a half. No pastor or wife in England knew we were going to take over the country because Julio was still responsible for Spain.

Now we had to remember English again. We had not heard nor spoken English for years. We were working with the Spanish language for 7 years straight and now, “boom”! English again.

When I spoke English, I could hear my heavy accent and how the words came out wrong. What a shame! It was like if I never learned English or studied in an American school in the United States.

I arrived and immediately I had to do a Portuguese program called “Coisas de Mulher” along with my sister and other wives, for the network Rede Record, which was transmitted to Brazil and all over the world (I believe). And to make it even harder, I also had to learn to speak Portuguese again. My Portuguese was contaminated with Spanish. My sentences in Portuguese had some Spanish words mixed in. It was incredible no matter how hard I tried… there were a few words that I could only remember in Spanish. As if the Portuguese word had been erased from my memory.

The Program “Coisas de Mulher” was about four friends talking about a certain subject. The host was my sister. Every one already knew each other and we always met beforehand to pick a subject and discuss about it together. But, I felt as though I did not fit in. They laughed and talked about things I did not know because I was not up to date on those issues. I felt like a fish out of water.

During the Program, we each had to participate with our comments and when it was my turn I always got nervous, when all eyes were on me and I was going to speak, I went blank. The four friends laughed, they found me funny.

I always saw myself as being “foolish” not because of anyone, but because of my own faults. And the fact that I had difficulty interacting with those wives who had been friends for years brought me great conflict.

Seeing my sister getting along with them all and doing “super well” made me think I had a problem.

Before, my sister was my protector she was always by my side. But when I saw her interact with others it was as if she did not need to be my protector anymore, as if she was too busy or too happy to realize that I was having difficulties.

Usually, she would realize I was having a problem without me saying a word because she knew me very well, but this time it was not the case, I felt as though she did not see I was in need.

Conflict after conflict and besides my own my husband was a little anxious to speak another language in which he was no longer was accustomed to.

My problems and his problems all together just made me feel as though I was suffocating inside.
More to come on the next post…