Returning to the Past – 42th Part

Being in a state, rather, a “region”, was another responsibility that I had.

I had to divide my time between being a mother, a wife to Julio and also the wife of the Pastor responsible for that region.
I made weekly meeting with the other Pastor’s wives. I had days dedicated to the needs of the church and other days for my family and my home.

Time passed, and it made us get to know the people better. However we can’t always detect what’s inside a person.

And the time came to “say goodbye” to the children. We had tried everything to get custody of them, but unfortunately it wasn’t granted to us. They were gone. While Julio was in his day to day with the church, I had to take them to the airport and go through a scene that had never been erased from my mind. It was horrible to say goodbye to them and know that they no longer would return into my arms. They didn’t understand anything. A friend of ours accompanied them to the person who would be responsible for them.

That day, Luis looked at me crying hysterically, and started to cry out: ” No mommy no Mommy” And there, I couldn’t say anything but let them go with tears in my eyes. I could no more appear to be strong. I let them know that I was suffering as much as them.

The losses began to appear in my life.

I was in the same church and lived in the same house, but they were no longer with us. Every day I passed by their bedroom. The house was a silent. No more noises of two children playing, laughing or talking.

All I had inside of me was a mixture of feelings. At the same time that I wanted to control and contain all my emotions, I still had the responsibility of God’s work and as a wife.

The pain of loss didn’t give me much balance in my emotions. I also had to deal with my husband’s pain. Everything was very difficult to handle.

I prayed, cried, cried out, and the pain was there with me everywhere I went.

No one knew that the children weren’t legally ours. We were their guardians while we waited on a way to have them permanently. But all this time waiting seem to be in vain. It seemed that the situation was playing with our feelings.

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” (Rm.8: 28)

We couldn’t understand what we were going through, but we believed in His Word. We believed, even against what we felt and understood.

You might be asking, “What did you believe during this horrible time?”
I believed in the promises, even though we were living a terrible situation, I knew that God would do what is best.