Going back to the Past – 28th Part

I was a girl but already a “mother”.
When Julio would give his full attention to the children on Saturdays, there were times when I played the child’s role, it’s really funny when I remember that.

I used to hide where no one could find me, because I would cry out of jealousy but not because Julio gave attention to the children but I felt that he spent alot of his time with them and not so much with me.
Before he was only “mine” and for the Work of God, our Saturdays were always focused on the two of us.

Luis was four years old and Vera five.
They were already “grown” and they did not grow up with us, so I had to learn to share. However I had some very childish reactions.

One day, I remember, I was so ridiculous I went into my parent’s closet and where my father’s shirts were hanging, of course, my parents were not at home, they were certainly on a missionary journey. I walked between his shirts and sat down, pulling my knees together to my chest like a child when she is upset.

I stayed there for a while and Julio started looking for me, he found me right under my father’s shirts. He said: “How foolish! Look at you! You look like a child!”

I was so embarrassed. My face was red because I was crying. I wanted to say I had my reasons, but the words he said to me, made me take a good look at myself.

And that is how I was learning in difficult moments, making mistakes, but some how trying to do right. I did not know I was wrong, in my conscience I was doing the right thing. I only had one day with Julio and I thought, I had the right to demande more of his attention, because during the week we were not together, I had to stay home and educate the children.

However, Julio was a great father. I admired the attention he gave the children. And they loved him very much. Luis, was like his father.

I bought him clothes very similar to his father’s.
He was skinny and very light to lift up. But I loved taking care of him..
He was more zealous with his clothes than Vera.
He wore pants, shirt and suspenders.

And when he was dressed like that, he wanted to stand next to the wall in the meetings. He wanted to be seen as a “little helper” in the church.

And I would tell him: “Whoever misbehaves, can not be a “little helper” yet!” And he would groan and let his arms drop and said, “Oh, Mom,” very angry.

All I wanted was for him is to learn to value and obey.
I didn’t encourage him to be a little helper, when he kept misbehaving at home. If he obeyed, he would be able to be a “little helper” that means, he could stand up in the meetings just like the assistants.

Luis was crazy for Julio. When we had to go back home, I was in one car and Julio in another, because we lived very far and there were no other means of getting home but by car. Luis always cried because he wanted to go with his dad.

I would get very angry! I was upset to see he prefered his father and not me. Another small jealousy of mine!

Interesting, On one hand, I acted like someone wise and on the other, I was pretty childish. This was due to the things that I had inside of me and that I had not seen as a problem, but in my defence I had my rights and still had a lot to learn….