Going back to the Past – 11th part

New York, synonymous with more learning.
The English Church was doing well, but then came a pastor to replace us and we went to the church headquarter.

I lived one hour away from the church and I was living with my parents once again.
At first we had to take public transportation to get to church. My mother virtually gave Júlio a ride to the train station every day.

Every day I prepared a lunch box for Júlio. Sometimes I would go with him early in the mornings. And there, I tried to look after him and sometimes while I was there, I prepared afternoon snacks for all the pastors at the church headquarter. It was very nice, the fact that we shared the food and that we were learning what was being passed on to us.

There, in the midst of the struggle of the everyday life of the church, I began to want to do more for God, but I honestly could not see what could be done. Just the fact of going to church was not enough for me, I wanted to be useful there too.

When and where it was possible, I served, with joy, the servants of God. But the Work does not only consist of giving food, but in saving souls!

It was, and still is the calling that always burns within my being.

At that time the “wife” did not work in the church meetings; a wife worked in anointing, praying with some type of prayer group. But for me, it was still not enough. I wanted something more.

My mother used to unite and have meeting with the wives. And there was a meeting that I will never forget; where she read something and I kept the “seven keys”.

Proverbs 6: 6-9

Go to the ant, you sluggard;
consider its ways and be wise!
It has no commander,
no overseer or ruler,
yet it stores its provisions in summer
and gathers its food at harvest.

How long will you lie there, you sluggard?
When will you get up from your sleep?

My mother, through the Holy Spirit was saying that we could not depend on anyone; we had to consider our ways and be wise. We could not depend on meetings to stimulate our communion with God. We had to have dependence in Him.

She was talking about the communion that each one of us had to have and to not be lazy to search for it.

Well, I was on the “hunt”. What was my role?

I was looking amongst the wives of the pastors, to somehow have some kind of tip. I sought to ally myself or be friends of those who had experiences with God and spoke of the things of God. Something I constantly sought: finding a way to serve better.

And the answer did not come instantly. I had to “hunt” and always be at Jesus’ feet. While not the answer did not come, I searched to listen to the voice of God.

My calling was not because now, once married, I would help my husband for him to be blessed, no! The question was not being blessed, but actually being useful to God.

The message that my mother passed to me gave me a very special tip; one that I will never forget. It made me realize that if I wanted to be useful to God, that it would not depend on any meeting and anyone, but that I would have to find it for myself. And this search was good, because we reveal what we want when we are insistent on what we want to achieve.