My experience!

I wanted to share my experience in these eight months of marriage with my life on the altar.

Right after I got married I moved to another country and had difficulty adapting to this new place. It was a new world for me, another culture, another language, etc.

We went to live with another couple and that’s when I started feeling insecure. I feared I wouldn’t be accepted. I began to feel inferior and when the wife said something, to me trying to teach me, I got offended, sad, and didn’t say anything. Inside me I felt I couldn’t cook, clean, or be like her.

I did everything not to show my husband the whirlwind of feelings I had inside of me (but he saw it in my eyes). He always asked me what was wrong and what was going on with me and even if I told him nothing was going on, he would get sad because that showed him that I didn’t trust him enough to tell him the truth. That distanced us, but I continued being the same way.

Months went by and I continued to suffer for not knowing how to share, trust, and because I didn’t recognize that I needed to change. Maybe because all my life I lived alone in my own world and even after finding Jesus I remained in my own world, I didn’t open up to anyone. This was the reason why I faced many difficulties in relation to the other wives. I couldn’t make friends with them because I wouldn’t open up to them, and also because I felt inferior to them because I was just starting in the work of God. I was worried about what they would think of me if I said something so I stood shut and would isolate myself. And once again, the lack of confidence in myself and in others made ​​me a sad and useless pastor ‘s wife.

Soon after I went through another change in my life. In a short period of time, my husband and I were sent to another country and I would have to leave behind the little knowledge I had and the few people I knew to start all over again. In this new country I faced the same difficulties as before and in addition to adapting to the climate and new people I now had the opportunity to be different and act differently, but I didn’t…

I was well received there. I even saw a small improvement in me, I talked a little more, but whenever I looked around I found myself alone. I had the opportunity to do the rush, and I decided that this would be my opportunity to change because I wanted to be different. I asked God to change me, but it was then that I understood that I was the one who had to use my faith and go against my feelings to change.

From that moment on my marriage changed. I was able to tell my husband everything that happened to me and began to share my life with him.

God saw my intention to change and it so happened that my Sister came to the city where I was and asked to talk to me. That day I told her everything that was inside of me. I was honest without fearing what she might think of me. I was so afflicted; I remember that I cried in front of her. It was only for a few minutes, but after I spoke to her I felt free from this burden I had inside. I told her I was proud and about all the difficulties I had getting along with the other wives. I told her everything.

She didn’t judge me, she understood and counseled me. She told me the experiences she also had, even in God’s work.

 I learned that change happens every day when we recognize our mistakes, our failures, and we don’t hide behind our fears and deceitful heart.