{"id":3526,"date":"2015-10-23T11:15:52","date_gmt":"2015-10-23T11:15:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.vivianefreitas.com\/en\/?p=3526"},"modified":"2015-10-28T08:13:32","modified_gmt":"2015-10-28T08:13:32","slug":"who-controls-themselves-can-control","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.vivianefreitas.com\/en\/who-controls-themselves-can-control\/","title":{"rendered":"Who controls themselves, can control"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>My <strong>greatest<\/strong> difficulty was learning to control myself when my son had nervous breakdowns; he went from &#8220;0-10&#8221; in a matter of seconds &#8230; <em>and I would panic<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes I &#8220;exploded&#8221; with him, other times I tried several alternatives to make him come out of the stress. In both situations, I passed on to him<strong> insecurity and despair<\/strong>; the uncontrolled and mutual suffering was visible. People looked at us with &#8220;pain&#8221;.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe you&#8217;re reading and saying, <em>&#8220;My son doesn\u2019t have nervous peaks &#8230;&#8221;<\/em> But maybe he shouts, is aggressive, leaves you talking to yourself, ignores you, does blackmailing, assaults you, &#8220;swears&#8221; at you, goes out and doesn\u2019t give you any satisfaction or takes any other action that makes you &#8220;ungrounded&#8221; and makes you come out of your normal state.<\/p>\n<p>One question that I asked myself and that helps me till this day is: <em>&#8220;What is the difference between us, if we are the same way?&#8221;<\/em> A child and a woman together in the same sinking boat, if the two don\u2019t know how to swim, who will save whom? Do you understand me?<\/p>\n<p><strong>I am the example, I am the mother, the adult, therefore I have to bring security and solution<\/strong>. That is why I worked in me:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Firstly, I learned to handle the situation rationally, analyzing it, detecting why it happened, and when it did, how did I react;<\/li>\n<li>Secondly: I learned to control myself before the situation, saying to myself, \u201cThis problem doesn\u2019t control me anymore!\u201d Not feeling anything, but fighting by faith against it and changing my attitudes: While he screamed, I would stay quite and look firmly, speaking softly and with assurance; he was agitated, I would stop or sit down, showing tranquility and calmness.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>When this happened to me, my son continued with the crisis, but it no longer shook me anymore; I had self-control and so I could, with calmness, control the situation, taking it in a different way and causing him to begin to change. Today, they no longer exist.<\/p>\n<p>Dear Mom, <em><strong>everything comes from the inside out<\/strong><\/em>; when I change inside of me, learning to focus on the problem and not the people, my attitudes will also change.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>Focus on your problem, work on yourself, and you will see that the transformation of your child will be just a result of your change.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>In this faith!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I am the example, I am the mother, the adult, therefore I have to bring security and solution.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":451,"featured_media":3527,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[146],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3526","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-from-mother-to-mother"],"better_featured_image":{"id":3527,"alt_text":"","caption":"","description":"","media_type":"image","media_details":{"width":1900,"height":748,"file":"2015\/10\/mother.jpg","sizes":{"thumbnail":{"file":"mother-150x150.jpg","width":150,"height":150,"mime-type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.vivianefreitas.com\/en\/wp-content\/blogs.dir\/4\/files\/2015\/10\/mother-150x150.jpg"},"medium":{"file":"mother-300x118.jpg","width":300,"height":118,"mime-type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.vivianefreitas.com\/en\/wp-content\/blogs.dir\/4\/files\/2015\/10\/mother-300x118.jpg"},"large":{"file":"mother-1024x403.jpg","width":1024,"height":403,"mime-type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.vivianefreitas.com\/en\/wp-content\/blogs.dir\/4\/files\/2015\/10\/mother-1024x403.jpg"},"mini-thumbnail":{"file":"mother-110x110.jpg","width":110,"height":110,"mime-type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.vivianefreitas.com\/en\/wp-content\/blogs.dir\/4\/files\/2015\/10\/mother-110x110.jpg"},"big-medium":{"file":"mother-320x220.jpg","width":320,"height":220,"mime-type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.vivianefreitas.com\/en\/wp-content\/blogs.dir\/4\/files\/2015\/10\/mother-320x220.jpg"},"post-thumbnail":{"file":"mother-825x325.jpg","width":825,"height":325,"mime-type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.vivianefreitas.com\/en\/wp-content\/blogs.dir\/4\/files\/2015\/10\/mother-825x325.jpg"}},"image_meta":{"aperture":0,"credit":"","camera":"","caption":"","created_timestamp":0,"copyright":"highwaystarz - 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